Its been 11 days now. In that time, I have had to make three trips to the mall (for those pants that needed altering and an exchange), I’ve also been paid for the month (Ka-Ching), and we just returned from a three day vacation to Beaver Creek. All of which involved no browsing.

Now, let it be said, I can browse without buying, even on vacation.  Just last month we went to Vail and I went into the over-priced boutiques and fondled things and I wasn’t even that tempted to pull out my debit card or hit up my husband for a vacation prize. In fairness, Christmas was only a few days away though, so… oink.

But not having the option, is an entirely different game.

First stop. The mall. The pants weren’t ready at Nordstroms, so I ventured into the belly of the beast to exchange an item. They are giving everything away right now. Everywhere I looked I saw “Additional 40% off Sale” signs. It literally stung my skin. It irked me, I felt mad. Right in front of me White House Black Market had a big old sign declaring “Up to 70% off original price.”

My first thought was to walk in to see if previously obsessed-over jeans were on sale. And if they were my crafty mind determined I would buy them and give them to my husband to give to me for Valentines, because that’s the kind of thoughtful lover I am– to myself. My second thought was to keep walking. Get to where I needed to go, do the deed, and get out.

I hear people say go with your first instinct or your initial reaction. I don’t know who these people are for whom that’s a good idea, but literally my first thought is wrong 98% of the time. My first thought comes from my Queen Baby brain and it is usually something along the lines of: Hit her, grab it, run away, put in the cart, scratch him, and to hell with all of it.

So I walked by because there was literally NO POINT in going in the store. The pants could have been 19.99 and per my own crazy challenge I wouldn’t have gotten them. And that’s what I continued to do. I walked by the stores. I made my exchange, and I stopped for a mini-Blizzard on the way out because a girl can only exercise so much restraint at one time, and I’d earned it.

Worst trip to the mall ever.

My kids don’t think I’m going to make it six months. When I first explained this challenge to them my five-year-old daughter said with astonishment, “you aren’t going to Target for the rest of the week?!” I said, “No. I’m not going to Target until the summer.” Even as I said it I hardly believed it myself. My son bet me two-dollars I won’t make it, so we’ve all got some skin in the game.

Then we went to Beaver Creek on another ski trip, and I know, you’re thinking, what could really tempt you there, The North Face store and a boutique selling full-length minks? (My first thought is, I would really like a full-length mink because they are pretty ridiculous and I sorta have a love affair with ridiculousness. My second thought is, I’m not a Native American, so I really have no business wearing a rabbit to keep myself warm.)

But there was a fabulous shoe store. I know, because I left my nose print all over its windows. And there were other boutiques begging for the fine art of meandering. And I didn’t go in, not even one. Because as far as I could figure, no good could come of it, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit this made me a little grumpy at times. My husband reminded me, this is a game I am playing with myself. But that felt, reductive. I told him it was more than a game and he said he hoped it was an effort to compensate for my over-spending in December. But that annoyed me too, him with his logic and facts again. I tried to explain it was deeper than that. It was about removing distractions from my life, and appreciating what I have, and not needing newness all the time. He nodded that husband nod that I think accompanies an internal statement of “whatever floats your boat baby. Please just don’t tell me anymore about it.”

Then I started obsessing about: the hats. I noticed that all the girls in the village from a toddler (its true! Her name was Logan and she was 15 months old) to the 50-somethings were wearing these adorable knit hats with…. wait for it, fur pompoms on top. Now, I have about 6 winter hats and that’s after scaling down to the ones I love an really wear and a few of them are warm and have balls on top, pom poms I guess they’re called, but fur pom poms?! I mean… I kinda felt like that is the accessory I’d been missing all these years.

The fur pompom hats were everywhere, in all the store windows. I couldn’t stop seeing them. I asked my husband to just run into a store and price one out for me, but he didn’t see the point and thus was not inclined to humor me. “I just need to know,” I pleaded. “No. You don’t,” he said. I felt like a bubbling pot inside. Something I didn’t know existed a few hours ago was now my number one must-have accessory and I couldn’t get it. I had plenty of money in my account but still, I couldn’t get it. THE MADDNESS. Damn you Ann Patchett and your Year of No Shopping! link to article

Then I started using all the skills I’ve amassed in my 20 years of therapy. I asked myself why I needed the hat. Answer: because it’s new and on-trend and youthful.  And what if I don’t have the newest, most on-trend winter knit hat? Well, then I worry I’m losing my cool, trendy, vibe, and next stop is pretty much Coldwater Creek (which fortunately, I happen to know has a huge January clearance sale) and I may as well hang it up at that point…

So, fear. Not having trendy fur pompom hat links back to my old foe fear.

I did look up the fur pompom hats on Amazon when we got back to our room, and they start at like $10 (at least, the Amazon version does.) My brother gave me a $50 gift card I haven’t spent yet  so technically I could use it on the hat…except that technically I can’t because: spirit of the experiment.

Honestly, my mind is such a weasel. I wish I could skin it and make a pompom out of it and stick it to a hat I already own.